


Feel Like Makin' Love

by DestielHardcoreLove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Beats the Shit Out of Dean, Dean is an actor, Facing Fears, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, He is kind of an idiot, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 18:30:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18238649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielHardcoreLove/pseuds/DestielHardcoreLove
Summary: Dean and Castiel are "dating" just to appease not only Gabriel, Dean's manager, but the public as well.  Things start to get too real, too close to home and Dean has to end things before both of them are destroyed by it all.Dean's an idiot.





	Feel Like Makin' Love

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies now for any grammar issues, etc. This one is barely edited lol.

* * *

_Baby, when I think about you_  
_Think about love..._  
_Darlin' I don't live without you_  
_And your love..._

_If I had those golden dreams of my yesterday (yesterday)_

_I would wrap you_  
_In_ the heaven  
_Feel it dyin' (dyin', dyin') all the way_

_Feel like makin'_  
_Feel like makin' love_  
_Feel like makin' love_  
_Feel like makin' love_  
_Feel like makin' love to you_

_Baby, if I think about you_  
_Think about love..._  
_Darlin' if I live without you_  
_I live without love..._

_And if I had the sun and moon_  
_They were shinin'..._  
_I would give you both night and day_  
_Love satisfyin'..._

_Feel like makin'_  
_Feel like makin' love_  
_Feel like makin' love_  
_Feel like makin' love_  
_Feel like makin' love to you_  
_And if I had those golden dreams of my yesterday (yesterday)_  
_I would wrap you_  
_In_ the heaven  
_Feel it dyin'(dyin',_ dyin _) all the way_

_Feel like makin'_  
_Feel like makin' love_  
_Feel like makin' love_  
_Feel like makin' love_  
_Feel like makin' love to you_

 

 

 

Castiel sighed a bit and rolled his eyes at the already screaming crowd waiting for them to get out of the limo.  Mr. Famous Dean Winchester was in his prime and they were just about to walk together down the red carpet for his new hit blockbuster.  But Castiel remembers back before Mr. Bigshot was signing autographs, he was wearing diapers in the sandbox with him. They’d grown up together and while Dean chased the stars, Castiel became a teacher.  They never strayed too far from each other, not for long anyway. Now though, they were stuck together due to Public Relations issues.

____  


The door of the limo was about to be opened and Castiel quickly pulled Dean closer, his fingers ruffling his best friend’s hair a bit, “You really think they’re not going to assume we were making out on the way?” he snorted and fixed Dean’s tie to be a little more crooked.

____  


Dean huffed and rolled his eyes but he felt a fondness in his chest that couldn’t be denied. “How do you even think of all this stuff, man? I don’t know maybe it’s just because I’ve never really done any of this before but I am _so_ out of my depths here.” 

____  


Castiel chuckled, “Well, it’s a good thing you got stuck with me and not someone else, you know like Benny?  He’s just as freaking clueless,” he said with a shrug. The door was finally yanked open and he poked at Dean’s side to get a smile on the man’s face, “Don’t forget to wave, then reach back in for me,” he said.

____  


Dean stepped out of the car and gave his eyes a second to adjust to the flashes before he smiled and waved, just like Cas had told him to. Then when a moment had passed he offered his hand back into the car and watched as his best friend flawlessly stepped out. He looked beyond gorgeous and Dean was pretty sure there would be actual movie stars jealous of how wonderful he looked wrapped in his fitted suit.

____  


“C’mon, let’s get this over with,” he whispered, pushing his lips against the edge of Cas’ ear before he dropped a kiss to his cheek. Then he gently wrapped his arm around Castiel’s waist and guided them toward the door. 

____  


Castiel ducked his face and smiled softly before raising his hand up to wave at the photographers as well.  Their names were being called out but he let Dean lead him down the red carpet. They stopped a few times to get pictures and Castiel would move out of the way for Dean to be alone.  He stayed in the back during the interviews, only a few times was he called in to answer one or two himself, mostly he kept the answers vague or pretended to be much shier than he actually was.  

____  


When the finally made it past all that Castiel deflated a little and sighed, “I need a drink,” he laughed, rubbing at Dean’s shoulder, knowing that if this was stressful to him it had be ten times as much for his best friend, “You want a beer or whiskey?”

____  


“Not tonight, just...water or something. I can’t drink at these things. One is never enough and enough means I’m stumbling over drunk while everyone is taking pictures, no thanks.” 

____  


Dean winced when he realized how rude he sounded but Cas knew him well enough to know what he meant and that he didn’t need to take offense to any of it. Dean couldn’t be off his game, not around these people. Sure, if he and Cas were just hanging out he could do whatever the hell he wanted and he trusted his best friend not to fuck him over, but Hollywood was full of sharks and reporters and reporter sharks and Dean had already proven that he could get himself in trouble without trying. He didn’t need alcohol to help that along. 

____  


“Sure thing, I’ll get you some water, put it in a beer bottle so we don’t get that bullshit again of whatever it was Gabriel said happened in that magazine.  I can’t fucking remember,” Castiel snorted and smiled wide when it had the desired effect of making Dean laugh. He noticed Dean’s co-star Quinn came around the corner and gently leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of Dean’s lips, “Look alive Winchester,” he whispered and sauntered away towards the bar.

____  


Dean pleaded with his eyes for Cas to stay with him but he knew it was probably for the best that he acted like a grown up and face the other people in the room. Most of them were stiff and vapid or just downright rude but there were some bright spots in the place. Tom Hanks had never been anything short of amazing and Dean spent most of their short interactions tripping over himself and acting like a goddamn idiot. 

____  


Quinn was slightly easier to handle, that being said...she could still be a little trying. 

____  


Quinn made her way towards Dean, smiling at a few people as she passed them, “Hey Dean, where’s your arm candy tonight?” she teased.

____  


“He’s grabbing a drink, you know how it is...dealing with all the uh _people_ ,” he said, biting back his catty comments towards the row of people that had gawked at him having Cas on his arm. He hated when people treated his best friend that way, sure to some people it had been one helluva shock to hear that Dean Winchester was coming out as bisexual. But if not for the help of his best friend he’d never have been able to finish his last movie, nor land the current project he’s not even allowed to tell Sammy about yet. It’s-exciting. That being said, there were still quite a few pointed stares and harsh comments that made him want to crawl out of his skin and bitch smack them all. 

____  


“You know, when I first met you, I thought this whole thing with you two was a publicity stunt but seeing you two together squashed that.  He’s very sweet,” Quinn said, smiling as she watched Castiel make his way back, “And very hot. Good catch Dean,” she said with a wink. She gave Castiel a wave and made her way to her own table.

____  


“It’s odd she came alone tonight,” Castiel said, handing Dean the “beer”.  He watched Dean take a long sip and smiled at the relieved expression on his face, “How you holding up?” he asked quietly.

____  


“Fine, well...I could be better but since we have to stay at least a couple hours, I’m doing the best I can,” Dean promised, smiling to the room even while he wanted to scream. Cas had been so goddamn supportive and helpful, braving all this bullshit just because he didn’t want to see Dean take some bad press. It was more than he could have expected and well beyond what anyone else would have done. Honestly, Dean was shocked he hadn’t already told him to keep the damn insanity away from him. God knows Dean would like to do the same for himself most of the time. He loved his job, loved being good at it but all the other Hollywood bullshit could fuck off as far as he was concerned. 

____  


“Don’t worry.  After the movie, I’ll pretend I’m not feeling well and we can skip the after party.  Then we’ll be back at your apartment, in our pajamas watching Indiana Jones,” he grinned, squeezing at Dean’s hand as he took a drink of his actual beer.

____  


“You are the absolute fucking best, have I told you that lately?” Dean asked, unthinkingly he leaned in and kissed Cas flat on the lips and smiled as he looked into those big blue eyes and felt his heart falter for a beat or two.

____  


Dean swallowed hard, _Fuck_. 

____  


Castiel was a little surprised but leaned in to kiss Dean back, the line of pretend and pure want a very fine one.  He’d learned weeks ago, just after this whole charade started that he was harboring very real feelings for his best friend.  Ones that he buried until only moments like this, did they resurface. Where Dean would take the lead and kiss him or hold his hand, anything really.  Usually, it was Castiel who guided things.

____  


He pecked at Dean’s lips and hummed, “You can keep reminding me,” he laughed, ducking his head a little.  There were a few flashes next to him and he looked over to give them a shy smile, “C’mon, let's get in the theatre.”

____  


“Yeah,” Dean said, mostly following Cas on autopilot. 

____  


There was something about the words, about the moment that had just drawn him in and Dean couldn’t stop thinking about it.. Cas didn’t just deal with all the fame bullshit like a pro, but he was quite literally the best thing in his life. The awards, the galas, the premier's, none of that meant jack squat to Dean. But the fact that Cas laughed when he delivered a line, doubly so when it was improvised, it soothed his restless heart. If Cas would cry from one of his emotional speeches or rage at the directors and producers for cutting out what was pivotally a very bisexual moment, that meant more to Dean than any article that was ever written. That his craft, his acting could touch Cas in any way meant a job well done as far as he was concerned. 

____  


He swallowed again, thickly as the story started to play out on the screen, his best friend enraptured by the opening sequence. He took a moment just to watch Castiel’s profile lit by the screen and Dean felt his heart stutter once again. 

____  


_He was so fucking screwed_.

___  
___

* * *

____

 

Castiel wiped at his eyes and shrugged at the incredulous look Dean was giving him.  Dean’s work was always awe-inspiring at this film was so damn good. The dialogue, the cinematography, the music...everything.  It was gorgeous and everything just added to the overall pride he had for Dean made him just a tad emotional.

____  


“That was fucking fantastic Dean,” he said with a huge smile, pulling his best friend in for a tight embrace as the credits rolled.  They got up and shook hands with several people, making their way back out through the red carpet once again.

____  


“Oh I’m always proud of Dean, he’s amazing.”

____  


“Of course I think he should get GQ Sexiest man alive, have you seen him?”

____  


“Oh no, I haven’t been feeling very well so we’re going home for our own celebratory party,” Castiel said with a playful wink and crooked smile.  It was enough to make Dean blush and grip his hand tighter. It worked though. They were all but left along to get back to their limo where they collapsed against the seats with a deep sigh.

____  


“You made it Mr. Winchester,” he grinned.

____  


“Cas…” Dean started, unable to fully vocalize his thoughts. 

____  


“I think we should break up,” he blurted, without thinking. Everything inside him was squirming at the thought of it but he needed to get his shit together and continuing to drag Cas along in some fictional relationship was just too much. 

____  


It was all too much.

____  


Castiel laughed and then abruptly stopped, “Wait…are you being serious?” he asked, heart thudding in his chest.  This was supposed to be fake, they were pretending, right? Then why did this feel like Dean was actually breaking up with him?

____  


Castiel swallowed hard and looked out the window of the limo, “Okay…yeah sure.  Whatever you need,” he said thickly.

____  


Dean’s heart plummeted. He didn’t know exactly what he was hoping for, maybe some kind of fight... _something_ that said maybe Cas was more invested than just being a good buddy. Any kind of sign that there was more than just heartache in his future.

____  


When he didn’t get it, he forced a smile. “You’ve been great Cas, better than I ever could have hoped for but how long are we going to keep this up? You-you want kids, a future, someone to share your little shoebox apartment with. I-if I’d have been a better friend, I'd have let you go to find that a long time ago.”

____  


Dean squeezed at Cas’ hand one last time. “I want you to be happy too.”

____  


_I was happy..._

____  


Castiel let out a bitter laugh at that and quickly wiped at his face as he yanked his other hand away from Dean.

____  


“Well, you're free now,” Castiel couldn't help spitting out.  He pushed the button to lower the partition, “Driver please pull over, I'm getting out.”

____  


“Woah hey!” Dean said, scrambling out behind him. “What the hell man? I thought this is what you wanted-Cas,” Dean stopped, hating the feeling curling in his stomach and chest. He couldn’t lose Cas, not _ever_. 

____  


Castiel stared at him and then rolled his eyes, “You didn't ask me if this was what I wanted.  This is what _you_ want Dean.  It's always…” he turned away from Dean and groaned when he noticed some cameras.

____  


“You never wanted a relationship, even if it was a fake one.  I'm granting your wish,” Castiel said, hand against his chest as he bowed a little.

____  


“Now you're free to go fuck Quinn like you've been wanting to.”

____  


Dean grabbed at his hand, with the distinct feeling that if he let go he’d never see his best friend again. 

____  


“Cas...all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy...I-“

____  


With own quick movement Castiel pulled away and Dean watched his whole world crumble around him. He stood there as his heart thumped faster and faster until it was forced to split open, ripped into shreds, still pumping, still bleeding, still shattered. 

____  


Dean slid back into the car, slamming the door behind him before ripping the crystal bottle of scotch and downing as much as he could before his throat rejected the harsh burn. 

____  


What the fuck was he supposed to do now?

___  
___

* * *

____  


Dean stayed blitzed out of his mind for the next week, all in the comfort of his apartment where he knew he was safe. Hiring your-another best friend for security had its perks. Not a damn single unauthorized person or camera had made it to his door in over five years since he’d moved into the place, Benny made damn sure of that. 

____  


He ignored calls from Sam, from Gabe, from everyone that wasn’t Cas and Cas didn’t call, of course he didn’t. He was finally done with all Dean’s bullshit, not that he could blame him…

____  


Whenever he would get that ache in his chest, he took another gulp of whatever bottle he was holding so he could get back to numb. 

____  


Gabriel shoved his wallet back into his pocket and grumbled, thankfully he’d been smart and brought several hundreds knowing full well it would take a lot to persuade Benny to let him through.  He left the elevator once it was on Dean’s floor and stomped his way to the correct door, slamming his fist against it. He wasn’t above picking the lock, he’d done worse things but he was hoping that Dean was vertical enough to open the damn thing first.

____  


“Go’way Ben!” Dean called out, his voice slurred just a bit more than he expected but fuck it, he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything anymore. Cas was gone, Cas was gone and he wasn’t coming back. He’d lost the best thing he’d ever had all for what? Because he couldn’t keep from latching onto the guy like a damn parasite. That’s all he was, a parasite, feeding on anyone and everyone that would get close enough. 

____  


“Not Ben, Dean-o, now open the damn door!” Gabriel shouted.  There was a loud groan and then nothing. Gabriel cursed under his breath and pulled out his kit.  He’d locked himself out of his own apartment enough times that it went everywhere with him. He got the door jimmied open and gagged at the smell of the apartment.  There were liquor bottles everywhere and opened food containers.

____  


“What the fuck,” Gabriel shook his head and ran a hand through his hair.  For a fake relationship, Dean was acting like he was going through a very real break up.  He knew the two of them were full of shit...only going along with Gabriel’s plans for more publicity.  

____  


He found Dean face down on his bed and Gabriel shook his head, moving to open the blinds, “Wake up princess,” he growled out.

____  


“Fuck off,” Dean groaned into the blanket, wincing a bit as the sunlight hit the backside of his eyelids. It was being reflected off his fucking metal bed frame, he knew he should have changed it out, but in the meantime he just threw the pillow over his head and grumbled.  

____  


“No can do sweetheart, you already missed our meeting yesterday with Netflix, you wanna lose this shot at your dream role?  If not, then get out of bed and into the fucking shower, you’re lucky they rescheduled,” he said and sighed.

____  


“You’re fired,” Dean said again, this time taking his mouth out of the blankets so he was sure Gabriel heard him. 

____  


“Seriously? You’re going to do this?” Gabriel shook his head as Dean rolled over.  His head was still shaking as he stomped out of the apartment. He shouldn’t do it...but there was no else who could get through to Dean, not even Sam.  

____  


It was a quick phone call, one that made Gabriel want to curl up in a ball and piss himself but within twenty minutes Castiel was storming down the hall.  He looked just as bad as Dean did but with a murderous expression.

____  


“Hey-”

____  


“Save it asshole,” Castiel growled out and shoved the door open.  He ignored the stench, the way Dean’s usual immaculate apartment was now basically a garbage dump.  His sights were on Dean who was buried under his ridiculously huge duvet. 

____  


“Dean!” Castiel shouted, pulling the blankets off of him roughly.

____  


“I said leave me the fuck alone Ga-” he started, and then quickly stopped because _that_ was not Gabriel’s voice that was-“Cas?” 

____  


Dean couldn’t believe the sight in front of him, had he passed out? Went back to sleep? He had to be dreaming, Cas was gone...he was gone and he wouldn’t come back…

____  


Castiel growled and grabbed up the front of Dean’s shirt, yanking him out of bed and then punched him square in the jaw, “You...are a fucking idiot!” he yelled and waited for Dean to straighten up before punching him again.

____  


“You’re going to let this dream job...something you’ve been fantasizing about since you were a kid just go away?  Why? Because you’re too self-involved and would rather drown yourself in alcohol?” Castiel said and grabbed one of the bottles, chucking it at the wall.

____  


“Everything you’ve worked for, everything you’ve sacrificed and it's’ right here, being handed to you on a goddamn platter and you’re just going sit here and wallow.”

____  


“It doesn’t mean anything,  nothing means anything anymore…” Dean said, mostly to himself as he tried to remember that as soon as the anger left Cas, he’d be gone again and then where would Dean be? He’d be hollowed out and empty inside all over again. 

____  


“Bullshit,” Castiel sighed, moving closer to cup Dean’s face, making those green eyes meet his, “You’re better than this Dean Winchester.  After everything you’ve gone through, you deserve this chance. Don’t be stupid and throw it away over...whatever caused this. It’s not worth it,” Castiel said swallowing hard.

____  


“You’re wrong about that, Cas…” Dean sighed, feeling the overwhelming ache all over again. He wanted nothing more than to curl up with another bottle but he couldn’t. Not with Cas’ big blue eyes staring into him. Dean sighed, “But I guess if you want me to sober up and go to a meeting, I’ll sober up and go to a meeting.” 

____  


Dean wrenched himself away and stumbled into the bathroom, his knees threatening to go weak at any moment. Thankfully he had a bench installed, granted it was with much different plans in mind, but Dean relaxed against the tiled wall and let the warm water rush over him until his head felt a little less like it was on a detonator. 

____  


When he was able, he finally cleaned himself up and then quietly exited the bathroom fully expecting Cas to be gone. He was surprised to see the room he’d just left in a massive mess, neat and tidy once more. There was an outfit laid out on the bed and Dean’s chest throbbed as his eyes roamed over it. 

____  


He pulled the clothes on mechanically, not fully registering anything else. Only the way the fabric felt against his skin or how the jeans hugged him but weren’t uncomfortable. Honestly, he didn’t even remember buying them. Then again, he doesn’t remember buying most of his stuff because he didn’t..well he didn’t shop for them and pick them out at least. For that, he had Charlie and Dory. Dory, for style; Charlie to make sure he would be comfortable. They worked surprisingly well together. Dean loved looking good, loved some of the retro pieces Dory had added to his closet, but if it had just been her, he’d have been poured into every pair of jeans he owned and he’d have been miserable at some of those events that took hours on hours. 

____  


His brain sufficiently distracted meant that the now familiar ache in his chest came back with a vengeance when Castiel stepped into the room again and Dean felt everything all over again. 

____  


Castiel smiled softly and nodded, holding up Dean’s leather jacket.  Once it was on Castiel smoothed his hands over Dean’s shoulders and sighed, “You’re gonna do great Winchester,” he said and then turned to leave.

____  


“Cas-” Dean swallowed, as his best friend stopped in the entryway back to the main apartment. “You’re not coming back are you?” 

____  


Castiel swallowed hard again and schooled his face before turning to give Dean a forced smile, “I’ll always be here for you Dean,” he said and then quickly left the apartment, shoving past Gabriel.

____  


Dean didn’t have to guess, the answer was clear enough in the way Cas smiled at him. It was forced and uncomfortable. He wouldn’t be seeing him again anytime soon at least, and the full force of his heartache knocked him back a little. He fell onto the edge of the bed and dug his hands into his eyes until Gabriel cleared his throat and handed him a cup of coffee.

____  


Dean chugged a few gulps of it and forced on a smile. If he needed to convince the world that he was okay, that he wasn’t falling apart. Well, that’s what he’d do. It was his job, it was what he was good at, no problem-o. 

____  


“Alright, let’s go.” 

___  
___

* * *

____

Gabriel waved one last time and smiled up at Dean, “You did awesome Dean.  So, how do you feel? Landing a leading role in a Netflix series where you’re playing a young Indiana Jones?” he laughed gleefully.  He’d been worried Dean wouldn’t pull through but whatever Castiel has said or done, he honestly didn’t care he was just glad it worked.

____  


“Yeah, cool,” Dean said, with a forced smile. 

____  


Gabriel looked like he was about to say something Dean didn’t want to hear so he just cut him off. 

____  


“I’m going to take some time, go see Sammy I think...I’ll be back before shooting starts though,” Dean promised. 

____  


“Alright,” Gabriel cleared his throat, “Hey...I wasn’t gonna bring it up but that chick Quinn?  She’s been callin, asking to talk to you. You want her number?” he asked.

____  


Dean _really didn’t_ , but he also knew that she would be curious about everything that happened with Cas and it would be better that she heard it directly from him, rather than some tabloid headline. “Just give her mine, easier that way.” 

____  


“Sure thing boss,” Gabriel said and opened the car for Dean.  He’d take his own vehicle home. 

____  


Dean made it back to the apartment somehow, then slowly but methodically began to pack a small bag. He needed to get out of the city. 

____  


_Headed your way little brother, be there some time tonight….don’t make me pick the locks. > Dean _

____  


_Sam <Okay, see you soon. _

____  


He had almost everything ready to go downstairs to his baby, when his phone went off again. He pulled it out of his pocket mentally praying it wasn’t Sammy telling him to stay put for some reason or another. 

____  


_Quinn < Hey Dean, It’s Quinn.  _

____  


Well, he should have guessed honestly. He liked Quinn, okay but there was a big part of him that didn’t trust anyone in Hollywood, no matter how  ‘down to earth’ they were. Which was really just code for a regular human being. 

____  


_Hey, I’m heading out of town but we could hang out when I get back. I’ll try to explain things then. >Dean _

____  


_Quinn < It’s okay.  I’ve been hearing and seeing so many rumors, I wanted to make sure you were okay.  Give me a call when you get back okay?_

____  


Dean felt a hint of remorse that she’d had to put pieces together based on stupid reporter bullshit. He checked his watch and chewed at his lip. 

____  


_How fast can you be at Lucifer’s Pizza? >Dean_

____  


_Quinn > Ten minutes at the most. _

____  


_See you there > Dean_

____  


He threw his bag over his shoulder and Benny met him in the hallway with an odd expression. That’s when Dean realized, he must have been feeling guilty for letting Gabe through but Dean shook his head, “Don’t worry about it Ben, you did the right thing...I just, I need some time. I’m gonna go hang out with Sammy for a bit.” 

____  


“Alright, let me know how you’re doin,” Benny said and opened the door for him, giving his friend a pat on the shoulder as he passed.

____  


“Will do, brother.” 

____  


Dean was glad to see that there wasn’t anyone waiting in hiding for him as he left. It was always a fifty-fifty shot, though it had eased down a bit after the first week of Dean not leaving his apartment. Most of the asshole tabloid bitches had given up or moved onto another story, either way they were out of his way and off his mind. 

____  


He got to the restaurant in record time but took his time getting inside. He wanted to park baby far enough away so that if he happened to be ambushed he could still make a swift getaway and he’d learned the hard way that his car could only save him if there wasn’t a shit ton of people standing on all sides. Though on one seriously terrifying occasion, Dean had been tempted to plow some people down. He shuddered at the memory playing through his mind. 

____  


When he stepped inside he felt a few eyes turn to him, though he ignored it and just moved toward the back booth where he knew Luc would give them some goddamn privacy. The owner was kind of an asshole but he didn’t tolerate any type of camera flashes or anything else. It was one of the few places Dean truly believed he was safe to be himself. 

____  


“Quinn, hey...can’t believe you actually beat me here.” 

____  


“I was kinda down the street,” she laughed softly, raising up to give Dean a hug before sitting back down.  They put in a small order and then were alone again, “How are you Dean...really?”

____  


“I’m a mess, I almost missed out on-well, on something I’ve wanted all my life and never thought was possible…” he swallowed, “But Cas showed up this morning and kicked my ass until I agreed to sober up and get my shit together.”

____  


Dean frowned, “Then he was gone again.” 

____  


Quinn frowned, “So it’s true then?  You two broke up?” she asked. The look on his face was telling enough and she sighed, “I’m so sorry Dean.  Can I ask why? You two looked...happy the last time I saw you two.”

____  


“It’s-it’s all my fault, Quinn..” Dean said, and then proceeded to spill his guts. He told her how everything started, how it was supposed to be fake just to keep him from looking like some sort of an asshole, but then he’d gone and fallen in love with his best friend and he’d ruined everything. All he’d wanted was for Cas to be happy and now they were both miserable. 

____  


Dean talked more than he ever had in one sitting and Quinn, the poor girl, just sat there and listened, nodding along and adding a few clipped phrases in response to his main pain. He shook his head at himself and sighed. “I-I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. I don’t know how to _be_ without him…” 

____  


Quinn reached over and took Dean’s hand, squeezing his fingers, “You know, he feels the same for you...don’t you?” she asked softly, “You don’t see the way he looks at you when you walk away or when you’re talking to others.  I have Dean. You are as much his world as he is yours.” She reached into her pocket to fish out her phone and blushed.

“I-I thought it was incredibly adorable so I took this,” she said and showed him a picture of the night of their movie release.  It proved everything she had described, Castiel was looking at Dean with so much love no amount of pretending could come close.

____  


“I-” Dean’s heart stuttered in his chest...could Cas really-? But why hadn’t he said anything, why hadn’t he fought the breakup? Sure, he was pissed but… fuck he’d been such an idiot. 

____  


“He-he does...fuck, he loves me…” Dean said, eyes wider than he can remember as a small, hopeful smile pushed at his lips. 

____  


“How do I fix this?” 

____  


Quinn laughed softly, “Well, it depends.  You can either make it a private affair, saying you’re sorry, take me back and blow up his apartment with flowers and whatever,” she grinned, ‘Or, you can make a huge grand gesture that not only tells him but the entire world who you’ve chosen and basically flipping off the haters,” she said.

____  


Cas didn’t care about the grand gestures, Dean knew him well enough to know that he just...he didn’t give a rat’s ass what other people thought. Though it was appealing to Dean because he wanted the world to know, and the way Quinn’s voice went fond when she said it, it was clear to him that she agreed. 

____  


“Public it is, what did you have in mind?” 

____  


Quinn smiled mischievously at him and leaned in. 

____  


“Oh this is going to be fun.” 

______

______

* * *

____  


_Gabriel > You could have give me a heads up!_

_Gabriel > You dirty dog, you do work fast._

____  


_What? > Dean_

____  


Dean stared down at his phone in confusion before he pressed against the little green phone to call his publicist and agent. 

____  


“What the hell are you talking about Gabriel?” 

____  


Gabriel chuckled, “Your date with Quinn!  I gotta say, though I thought you looked better with Castiel, you and Quinn are pretty cute too,” he said.

____  


Dean’s brain fizzled for a moment but then he shook his head and responded. “I’m not dating, Quinn...Gabriel. She’s awesome but I’m in love with Cas...I’m-wait, what do you mean you think we’re pretty cute together?” 

____  


His stomach dropped and he went cold all over. “I-Gabriel….are there pictures?” 

____  


Gabriel laughed, “Okay, Dean you don’t gotta play up the charade with Cas anymore.  And yes there are pictures, it’s all over the place I’m surprised you haven’t seen em yet,” he said shaking his head.

____  


“Fuck-” 

____  


Dean hung up without another thought to Gabriel and immediately called Cas. 

____  


“C’mon, pick up sweetheart...pick up…” 

____  


Castiel stared at the picture of Dean and Quinn, his heart-shattering in a million pieces all over again.  He wasn’t being fair, he’d been the one to tell Dean to ahead with it, he just wasn’t ready for how quickly it had been.  His phone went off next to him and he stared at Dean’s name before declining the call and then turned off his phone.

____  


“Fuck…” 

____  


Dean quickly dialed Gabriel back but before the guy could answer or rant at being hung up on, Dean just plowed over him. “How fast can you get me on Jimmy Kimmel?” 

____  


“I uh, I can pull some strings, maybe get you on the Friday night show.  Dean what’s goin on?” Gabriel asked, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up.

____  


“Do it, pull as many strings as you need, I-I have to be on there and soon, I can’t lose him again, Gabe!” 

____  


“What the hell-Dean!” Gabriel groaned as he was hung up on again.  What the hell was going on?

____  


For the next few hours Gabriel was on the phone, answering text messages and promising things he probably shouldn’t have without Dean’s consent but hey, the guy told him to do whatever it was in his power.

____  


“Yes, Dean’s actually requesting this himself,” Gabriel said laughing a little.

____  


“Well, if he doesn’t mind doing a bit of singing, he can be on this Friday night.”

____  


“Oh, I don’t think he’ll care, in fact….he’ll love it,” Gabriel said and held his breath when the producers agreed.  He high fived himself and hung up then dialed Dean’s number.

____  


“Yeah? Did you get it?” Dean asked, fumbling with the pencil in his hand. He and Quinn had come up with a good idea but he couldn’t use that, not now. As much as he knew the girl wanted to help him, it was tainted. Fuck if he was going to win Cas back on the advice of the girl he very much probably hated at that point in time. 

____  


“You owe me well, maybe not seeing the things I promised you would do,” Gabriel laughed, “You’ll be on the show in two days, better get your singing pipes ready to go,” he said.

____  


“Singing?” Dean asked in confusion, completely ignoring the fact that Gabe had promised shit of him. Honestly, as long as it wasn’t porn he didn’t give a shit. Hell, even then only if Cas objected. Whatever he needed to do to get Cas back, he’d fucking do it. 

____  


‘Yep.  Now, you wanna tell me what the fuck is going on and why you are so hell-bent on being on Jimmy Kimmel?” Gabriel asked.

____  


“Cas-he watches religiously...he never misses an episode and I-I need to make it right with him, Gabe. I need to fix this.” Dean frowned down at the page full of crossed out ideas and then it was like a lightbulb went off. 

____  


“Fuck… you said I’m singing?” 

____  


“Yes-God dammit Dean!” Gabe shouted when the phone went dead again.

* * *

____

 

Dean nervously checked himself over in the mirror for the fiftieth time. He showed up an hour early, surprised the shit out of the crew but he was too nervous to just sit around waiting in his apartment any longer. 

____  


There was a knock on his door and Dean forced himself to smile through the anxiousness. 

____  


“Yeah,” he answered, pulling the door a little to see Jimmy on the other side. 

____  


“Hey man, just wanted to check on you myself.  How ya doin? Nervous?” he asked clasping his hands together in front of him.

____  


“Not usually but...but today, yeah...fucking terrified Jimmy,” Dean admitted, chewing at his lip. The show host had been told exactly what he’d planned and thankfully he allowed everything to move forward. Dean wasn’t sure if he told the studio people or not, but honestly, he didn’t fucking care. As long as Cas would see it, would _know_ that’s all he needed. 

____  


“Yeah, Gabriel filled me in.  I kinda...did something, not sure if you’re gonna be okay with it or not but your appearance is a bit of a hey, guess who’s here anyway,” Jimmy laughed and then rested his hand on Dean’s shoulder, “I sent out a free ticket to your Castiel.  He’s here, in the audience,” he said.

____  


Dean’s breath hitched in his throat but then a wave of calm rippled through him. 

____  


“Actually, you know what...that helps, that helps a helluva lot…” 

____  


He took another deep breath and focused on the fact that Cas was there, Cas was in the same building, he was in the audience, now all he had to do was just fucking sing. 

____  


“Thanks Jimmy. I-I really appreciate you letting me do all this, I know it’s not the way you guys normally do things.” 

____  


“It’s true but hey, who am I to stand in the way of love?” he laughed, clapping Dean on the shoulder before leaving the dressing room.

____  


He smiled at the mirror, finally relaxing a bit. He didn’t have to guess at whether or not Cas would see it, if he would watch beyond the part where his name was mentioned as he was introduced or if he’d quickly turn off the tv in hopes of avoiding him. He knew his best friend loved him, he hoped to all that was holy that he was _in love_ with him as well but honestly Dean just wanted Cas to know that the last few months had by far been the best in his life and all because he got to feel what it was like to be loved by Cas. 

____  


There was another light knock and Dean knew that meant it was go time. 

____  


“Let’s do this, Winchester. Your man is waiting,” he said to himself and then pushed through the door and out toward the front stage. He was picked up by a crew member and led to the wings of the stage where he would perform in a few minutes. Dean had never so much as uttered a word of a song on stage before but fuck if he wouldn’t face his fears for Cas. Maybe not for anyone else, but for Cas, he could fucking fly. 

____  


Castiel couldn’t help it, he was excited.  He didn’t understand how it was possible but getting the email that he was invited to a Jimmy Kimmel show was amazing.  He watched it religiously and now he was here in the audience!

____  


Jimmy walked out onto the stage and waved, “Alright, so tonight’s show is going to be vastly different than what we normally do around here.  My next guest practically begged to be on the show so I made him a deal, which he happily made,” he laughed and nodded his head, “You know him as the soon to be young Indiana Jones but I know him as my good friend Dean Winchester!”

____

Castiel’s lips fell into a frown and the color drained out of his face.  He wanted to get up but he wouldn’t get very far. It all felt like a set up now and he cursed at himself for being so stupid.

____  


Dean swallowed and then stepped out onto the stage with a smile and a wave to the audience. His heart was racing but it was the good kind of adrenaline. He made it all the way over to Jimmy before he found those iridescent blue eyes staring back at him. He gave a soft, sincere smile to Cas and he hoped it would at least momentarily offer some comfort. 

____  


“Hey Jimmy, it’s good to see you again.” 

____  


“Likewise man.  So, as you know, we tend to make our guests do the most ridiculous things and sometimes, things that make them a bit...nervous, so tell me Dean.  What makes you nervous?” Jimmy asked.

____  


Castiel swallowed hard and covered his mouth.  Jimmy was going to make Dean sing but why would Dean agree to something like that?

____  


“I uh- I don’t like to sing in public Jimmy,” Dean said with a laugh, I’ve been told I’m okay at it but it’s probably one of my biggest fears.”

____  


“Dean...don’t,” Castiel said, gripping the railing in front of him.  The last time Dean had been forced to sing in front of everyone, the poor guy had blacked out from embarrassment.

____  


“Well well, how would you like to conquer that fear?  Right here, right now with a full band at your disposal!” Jimmy said and urged the crowd to cheer louder.

____  


“Not gonna lie, Jimmy...I’m pretty f-riggin nervous right now,” he said, taking a deep breath. He gave Cas a smile and a wink, “But as it so happens...I have something I need to say and I’ve found the perfect song to say it.” 

____  


Castiel’s heart leaped up into his throat and he blinked a few times.  He had no idea what Dean was up too, he wanted to pull him away from the stage, to talk to him but he was rooted to his seat.

____  


“Alright then, take it away!” Jimmy said, handing Dean a mic and scurrying off the stage.

____  


He strapped on the guitar, feeling a little of his insecurity fade away. At least _that_ he knew he could do. The band started the familiar intro and everyone in the audience went wild, well...almost everyone. Dean watched as Cas leaned forward in his seat, mouth gaped open in surprise.

He grinned, leaned in toward the mic and started to sing. “Baby, when I think about you, I think about love…” 

“Darlin' can’t live without you and your love…” 

“If I had those golden dreams of my yesterday, I would wrap you in our heaven, feel it dyin' all the way.” 

The chorus was coming and the audience was going wild and as much as Dean wanted to hide behind the guitar, he knew he couldn’t. It wouldn’t say what he wanted if the world didn’t see exactly who he was singing to. 

He pulled the mic from the stand as the tempo rushed forward and he made his way over to the middle of the audience. He reached a hand out to the man he loved as the words began to filter out from his mouth. 

“Feel like makin' Yeah, I feel like makin' love, I feel like makin' love, Oh I feel like makin' love. Cas, I feel like makin' love to you…” 

Castiel stared at him and then laughed softly, his head shaking as he took Dean’s hand, going easily when Dean pulled him out of his seat.  Of all the things that he imagined happening on a Friday night, this was far from it. He tried to hide his face from the cameras but Dean kept a firm grip on him.

The rest of the song was easy after that, looking into Cas’ eyes as he lifted him up onto a stool in the middle of the band area was all he needed. In the time it took from one breath to the next he transformed from _Dean Winchester_ ; celebrity, to Dean Winchester; teenage, aspiring actor, and dorky best friend.

____  


He strapped the guitar on for the last chorus and rocked out as if he were still jumping back and forth from one bed to the other in his twin bedroom as Castiel just laughed at him. Beads of sweat formed around his temples but Dean didn’t care, Cas was smiling and that was more than enough for him. As the song faded out, Dean let the guitar slip from his fingers and he twisted the strap until it was safely tucked against his back before he put one hand on each side of the stool Cas was seated on and he leaned in, whispering the lyrics as he crowded into his best friend’s space. 

____  


“You’re insane,” Castiel laughed, eyes watering as he looked up into Dean’s face.  For just a moment he forgot about the audience, the cameras, the crew standing around them.  He grabbed Dean’s face and brought him in close, kissing at his lips. It was then there was a roar and Castiel pulled away, blushing crimson, “I’m sorry,” he laughed covering his face.

____  


“Never apologize for that, Cas... _never_ ,” Dean answered, pulling him back in for another. 

____  


He didn’t let Cas move away until a very familiar throat clearing noise hit his ear and he finally stepped back with a quiet groan. “I’d apologize for that Jimmy but honestly, I’m not even a little sorry.” 

____  


Jimmy shook his head laughing, “Congratulations Dean, seems you got the guy back,” he laughed.

____  


Castiel blushed again and hid his face against Dean’s shoulder.  He didn’t hear much after that. Too occupied with the fact that Dean had just serenaded him and then kissed him in front of millions.  It wasn’t fake, Dean wouldn’t put himself in a position like that if it had been for a stunt only. Castiel swallowed hard and once they were just about to go back into the dressing room, he yanked on Dean’s shirt to pull him in for a kiss.

____  


“Not that I’m complaining about the free show, but you guys oughtta know there’s cameras _everywhere_ in these hallways. I mean, most of us wouldn’t risk our jobs over it but you might wanna actually go _inside_ the dressing room before...you know, dressing or undressing as the case may be.” 

____  


“Oh, my bad...I uh, we’ll just be um… in here.” Dean said, jerking Cas into the dressing room without hesitation. 

____  


Castiel laughed as the door was kicked shut and then found himself being shoved up against it, “Dean, wait, stop for a second okay?” he said, gently pushing at Dean’s chest.  He wanted nothing more than to pull Dean in and kiss him senseless but this needed to be talked about. 

____  


“Okay, okay...What is it?” Dean asked, he knew Cas well enough to know the man wouldn’t have kissed him, wouldn’t have allowed himself to be brought on stage if this wasn’t what he wanted but his insecurities came rushing to the forefront of his mind when Cas pulled away. 

____  


“Hey, don’t do that,” Castiel said gently petting the side of Dean’s face, “I’m sensing we had some miscommunication before and I want to make sure it doesn’t happen again,” he said, pulling Dean a bit closer, “Are you seeing Quinn?”

____  


Dean frowned back at him. “Cas...do you really think I’d-No, I’m not seeing Quinn. I was never seeing Quinn. I will never _be_ seeing Quinn. She’s just a friend.” 

____  


Castiel smiled softly, “Good.  Okay, next one and then we can go back to kissing,” he said and laughed at the goofy grin that stretched Dean’s lips, “I’m in love with you.”

____  


“I uh, I’d hoped that was the case,” Dean said, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Honestly...I don’t know if I’d have believed it without the uh-Quinn took a photo of us and,” Dean swallowed, “I’d never seen you look at me the way you were that night. I-thought it was just me…” 

____  


“No, it wasn’t just you.  I can’t blame you though, I thought the same thing and then you broke it off…” Castiel looked down, shaking his head, “It doesn’t matter anymore.  This does,” he said and raised his head back up.

____  


Dean saw those big blue eyes and he felt like he was home again. “I love you, Cas...I always have, now just a bit differently, if you’ll have me.” 

____  


“Hmmm, I don’t know,” Castiel teased, grinning widely as he wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, “Of course I want you Dean, always have,” he said before pulling the man down for a kiss.

* * *

 

__

 


End file.
